• You Need Go To Halaqah

     Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu, Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind All Praise is Due to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

    The sense of a halaqah.

    Family Corner


    Some time ago my brother was very angry with me because I did not follow halaqah. Almost every day he asked me to join halaqah, he was a would-be never tired to encourage me to want to come halaqah, with a very patient and caring he always tried to convince me that halaqah is a requirement that could not be in left.

    I am actually happy to follow halaqah, but some time ago I was traumatized by halaqah that I follow, since the incident I decided to quit.

    Day after day passed, without feeling tired and discouraged my brother kept asking me to want to come halaqah. This sometimes makes me cry, why he did not stop as well. I hope that he became desperate and stop to keep asking me to follow halaqah.

    He also said that someone could be in value, have a good personality or not, by looking at her, she followed halaqah or not. I thought I did not need a rating from anybody, which is important I am sure that I learned even without halaqah.

    My brother gave an illustration, which is a pleasant halaqah, there we can prosecute religious knowledge and meet with other sisters. I think every day I also learn by reading various articles, even when I use to learn too much more than an hour that used to halaqah. Every day I also met with my work friends, they're also sisters, so I thought participate or not there is no difference. With a variety of reasons I declined his request to attend halaqah.

    He contacted some of his friends to find a place halaqah, which exist in the city where I live. On one occasion he said he would be very happy when I'm going to halaqah. but I'm still on my standpoint, I would not go to  halaqah.

    This keeps continuing, he remained steadfast with faith and patience in persuading me to want to come halaqah. I also stick with my standpoint to not want to come halaqah.

    Alhamdulillaah and on one occasion, Allaah unite me with one halaqah, which I think fits with me. Now I just realized, how important the sense of a halaqah.

    By following halaqah, make us meet another sister in an effort to study religion in order to worship properly. In halaqah, we can study various sciences which are guided by religious scholars excelling in his field.

    Very much difference when I taught myself than I had halaqah,

    When I met with the sisters at the halaqah, we talked about our charitable activities of daily worship and sometimes I'm very jealous of them, with their  patience and  perseverance in worship, it makes me want to better than before, and all this made me aware of my deficiencies in worship.

    When I met with the sisters at work, we talk about general things and sometimes we talk about the futile and ultimately useless waste of time, when every moment death might come suddenly and unexpectedly 

    In halaqah we learn all aspects of life, how to respect parents, brothers and sisters, how to socialize with people, how to be able to implement what Allaah commanded and avoid what He forbids.

    As far as I feel by following halaqah taste day after day my faith has increased from earlier, though no human being escapes from the daily mistakes, but halaqah bring major changes in my life, protect me from things that are not good.

    During follow halaqah you will feel a calmness and peace in your heart that you do not encounter elsewhere. Halaqah make us so close to Allaah, teach us to always help others and do good to all people. And more good values that will you get by following the halaqah.. insya Allah.

    Halaqah also makes us aware of the struggle of the Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu  "Alahi wa Sallama and his companions in spreading the Dawa to the whole world in the noble task of Allaah.

    I appeal to all my sisters and brothers where ever you are  let us follow halaqah, because without this we will be away from all kinds of goodness, and can make us far from the truth about Islam.

    And I am very grateful to my brother, who never got tired and gave in to convince me to want to come halaqah, may Allah repay all the kindness, with much better Allahumma Ameen..

    May Allaah give us all strength and patience in running the daily worship in our lives.

    Jazakillahu Khayran for reading this, hope this can make my sisters wanna come to halaqah insya Allah.

    Wassalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu..

    Muslim Sister



  • Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind


                     25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety
    Stress is life. Stress is anything that causes mental, physical, or spiritual tension. There is no running away from it. All that matters is how you deal with it. This article does not deal with the factors of stress, anxiety, and depression, nor is it a clinical advice. If you feel depressed, you are not alone. It has been estimated that 75 to 90 percent of all visits to primary care physicians in America are for stress-related problems. This is why it is wise to consult a doctor if you are having physical symptoms of stress. However, here are some tips that can help from a spiritual perspective. Please send us your feedback so that we can improve this article Insha Allah.

    Torture. Beatings. Loss of property. The death of loved ones. These were just some of the enormous challenges the Muslims of Makkah faced in the seventh century following their acceptance of Islam in fiercely tribal and polytheistic Makkah.

    Detention. Harassment. Beatings. Discrimination. Loss of Job. Profiling. Hate Crimes. Constant media attention. Surveillance. These are just some of the challenges Muslims in America today face, post-9/11. Like our predecessors in Makkah, we have begun to face great stress, anxiety, and pressure, more than ever in our recent history on this continent, although Muslims who were brought here as slaves faced worse than what we can even imagine.

    1. Ask Him. He Listens: Dua

     Turn each anxiety, each fear and each concern into a Dua (supplication). Look at it as another reason to submit to God and be in Sajdah (prostration), during which you are closest to Allah. God listens and already knows what is in your heart, but He wants you to ask Him for what you want. The Prophet said:

          " Allah is angry with those who do not ask Him for anything." (Tirmidhi).

    The Prophet once said that in prayer, he would find rest and relief (Nasai). He would also regularly ask for God's forgiveness and remain in prostration during prayer praising God (Tasbeeh) and asking for His forgiveness (Bukhari).

    Allah wants you to be specific. The Prophet advised us to ask Allah for exactly what we want instead of making vague Duas. Dua is the essence of worship (the Prophet as quoted in Tirmidhi).

    "Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds. Do not make mischief on the earth, after it hath been set in order, but call on Him with fear. And longing (in your hearts): for the mercy of Allah is (always) near to those who do good" (Quran 7:55-56).

    2. Tie your Camel: Do your Part:

    One day Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered,

    "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said,

    "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (Tirmidhi).
    Muslims must never become fatalistic. Although we know only Allah is in control and that He has decreed all things, we are each responsible for making the right choices and doing the right thing in all situations of our lives. We must take action (link to planning articles on SV). We must work to alleviate the hardships we, our families and our communities face.
    Ask yourself the following questions if you are worried about the state of the world:

    are you part of the peace movement?

    Is your Masjid part of the peace movement? Are you part of an interfaith group with an agenda of peace and justice?

    Are you working with a group fighting discrimination?

    If your answer is no, it is time that you sat down to plan your share of time and money in finding solutions to the problems you face.

    "Verily Allah does not change men's condition unless they change their inner selves" (Quran 13: 11).
    Turn each worry into a Dua and each Dua into an action plan. That will show your commitment to your request and will focus your energy in the right direction.

    3. Remember that human responsibility is limited:
            While we need to carry out our duty to the best of our abilities, always remember that you don't control the outcome of events. Even the Prophets did not control the outcome of their efforts. Some were successful, others were not. Once you have done your duty, leave the results to Allah. Regardless of the results of your efforts, you will be rewarded for the part you have played.
    However, never underestimate your abilities. Understand the concept of Barakah (blessings from Allah) and remember that Allah can and Insha Allah will expand them if you are sincerely exerting your energies for the right path.
    4. Leave the world behind you five times a day:

    Use the five daily prayers as a means to become more Hereafter-oriented and less attached to this temporary world. Start distancing yourself as soon as you hear Adhan, the call to prayer. When you perform Wudu, keep repeating Shahada, the declaration of faith, as water drops slip down your face, hands, arms, and hair. When you stand ready to pray, mentally prepare yourself to leave this world and all of its worries and stresses behind you.

    Of course, Shaytan will try to distract you during prayer. But whenever this happens, go back and remember Allah. The more you return, the more Allah will reward you for it. Also, make sure your Sajdas (prostrations) are Talking Sajdas, in which you are really connecting to God and seeking His Mercy, praising Him, and asking His forgiveness.

    5. Seek help through Sabr:
    Seek help through Sabr and Salat (Quran 2:45).
    This instruction from Allah provides us with two critical tools that can ease our worries and pain. Patience and prayer are two oft-neglected stressbusters. Sabr is often translated as patience but it is not just that. It includes self-control, perseverance, endurance, and a focussed struggle to achieve one's goal. Unlike patience, which implies resignation, the concept of Sabr includes a duty to remain steadfast to achieve your goals despite all odds.
    Being patient gives us control in situations where we feel we have little or no control. 'We cannot control what happens to us but we can control our reaction to our circumstances' is the mantra of many modern-day self-help books. Patience helps us keep our mind and attitude towards our difficulties in check.

    6. Excuse Me! You are Not Running the World, He is.:
    It is important to remind ourselves that we don't control all the variables in the world. God does. He is the Wise, the All-Knowing. Sometimes our limited human faculties are not able to comprehend His wisdom behind what happens to us and to others, but knowing that He is in control and that as human beings we submit to His Will, enriches our humanity and enhances our obedience (Uboodiah in Arabic) towards him.
     Read the story of the encounter of Moses with the mysteries behind God's decision (Quran: 18:60-82).
    Familiarize yourself with God's 99 Names, which are also known as His Attributes. It is a powerful way of knowing Him.

    "God-there is no deity save Him, the Ever-Living, the Self-Subsistent Fount of All being. Neither slumber overtakes Him, nor sleep. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is on earth. Who is there that could intercede with Him, unless it be by His leave? He knows all that lies open before men and all that is hidden from them, whereas they cannot attain to aught of His knowledge save that which He wills them to attain. His eternal power overspreads the heavens and the earth, and their upholding wearies Him not. And He alone is truly exalted, tremendous." (Quran 2:255).
    The Prophet recommended reading this verse, known as Ayat al kursi, after each prayer, Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. Once Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, approached the Prophet during a difficult time and he found the Prophet in Sajda, where he kept repeating

    "Ya Hayy Ya Qayyum", words which are part of this verse.
    7. Birds Don't Carry their Food:
    Allah is al Razzaq (the Provider).
     "How many are the creatures that carry not their own sustenance? It is Allah Who feeds them and you, for He hears and knows all things (Quran 29:60)."

    By reminding yourself that He is the Provider, you will remember that getting a job or providing for your family in these economically and politically challenging times, when Muslims are often the last to be hired and the first to be fired, is in God's Hands, not yours. As Allah says in the Quran:

    "And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose. Verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion (Quran 65:3).

    8. God controls Life and Death:

    If you fear for your physical safety and security, remember that only Allah gives life and takes it back and, that He has appointed the time for it. No one can harm you except if Allah wills. As He says in the Quran:  
    "Wherever you are, death will find you out, even if you are in towers built up strong and high!" (Quran 4:78).
    9. Remember that life is short:
    It's easy to get caught up in our own stress and anxiety. However, if we remember that our life is short and temporary, and that the everlasting life is in the Hereafter, this will put our worries in perspective.
    This belief in the transitory nature of the life of this world reminds us that whatever difficulties, trials, anxieties, and grief we suffer in this world are, Insha Allah, something we will only experience for a short period of time. And more importantly, if we handle these tests with patience, Allah will reward us for it.
    10. Do Zikr, Allah, Allah!
    "... without doubt in the remembrance (Zikr) of Allah do hearts find tranquility" (Quran 13:28).

    If you commute, use your time in Zikr. Pick any Tasbeeh and do that instead of listening to the radio or reading the newspaper. Maybe you can divide it up between Zikr and planning. Personally, I recite the Tasbeeh of "Subhana Allahe wa be hamdihi, subhan Allahil Azeem" 100 times .

    The Prophet taught us these two short phrases which are easy to say but will weigh heavy on our scale of good deeds in the Hereafter.

    When your heart feels heavy with stress or grief, remember Allah and surround yourself with His Zikr. Zikr refers to all forms of the remembrance of Allah, including Salat, Tasbeeh, Tahmeed, Tahleel, making supplication (Dua), and reading Quran.

    "And your Lord says: 'Call on Me; I will answer your (prayer)..." (Quran 40:60)

    By remembering Allah in the way He has taught us to, we are more likely to gain acceptance of our prayers and His Mercy in times of difficulty. We are communicating with the only One Who not only Hears and Knows all, but Who can change our situation and give us the patience to deal with our difficulties.

    "Remember Me, and I shall remember you; be grateful to Me, and deny Me not" (Quran 2:152).

    11. Relying on Allah: Tawakkul:

     When you awaken in the morning, thank Allah for giving you life after that short death called sleep. When you step out of your home, say 'in Your Name Allah, I put my trust in Allah, and there is no power or force except with Allah'

     (Bismillahi Tawakal to al Allah wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah).

    At night, remember Allah, with His praises on your lips.

    Once you have established a plan you intend to follow through on to deal with a specific issue or problem in your life, put your trust in the most Wise and the All-Knowing.

    "When you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah" (Quran 3: 159).

    Rely on Allah by constantly remembering Him throughout your day. When you lay down to sleep, remember that sleep is death. That is why one of the recommended supplications before going to sleep is

    "with Your (Allah's) Name I die and become alive".

    12.Connect with other human beings:

    You are not alone. Muslims are not alone. We are not suffering in silence. There are millions of good people who are not Muslim with beautiful hearts and minds. These are people who have supported us, individually and collectively, post-9/11, by checking up on us and making sure we are safe. These are individuals and organizations who have spoken up in defense of Muslims as we endured harassment and discrimination.
    We must think of them, talk to them, connect with them, and pray for them. Through our connections, we will break the chain of isolation that leads to depression and anxiety.

    13. Compare your dining table with that of those who don't have as much as you do

     The Prophet said:

    Whenever you see someone better than you in wealth, face or figure, you should look at someone who is inferior to you in these respects (so that you may thank Allah for His blessings) (Bukhari, Muslim).

    Next time you sit down to eat, eye the table carefully. Check out the selection of food, the quality, the taste, the quantity, and then think of the millions of others who don't have even half as much. The Prophet's Hadith reminds us of this so that we can appreciate and thank God for all that we have.

    Also remember that the Prophet only encouraged us to compare ourselves to others in two respects: in our Islamic knowledge and level of belief in God (Deen). In these two areas, we should compare ourselves with those who have more than what we do.

    14. Say it Loud: Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar: Takbirat & Adhan:
    Find a corner of a lake, go out in the wilderness, or even stand on your lawn at your home and call the Adhan with your heart. While driving, instead of listening to the same news over and over again, say Allahu Akbar as loudly as you can or as softly as you want, based on your mood. Year ago, I remember calling Adhan on a Lake Michigan shore in Chicago after sunset as the water gushed against my knees. I was calling it for myself. There was no one else accept the waves after waves of water with their symphony. It was relaxing and meaningful.

    Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.

    15. Pray in congregation (Jamat):
    Pray with other people instead of alone. If you can't pray all five prayers in congregation, at least find one or two prayers you can pray with others. If you are away, establish Jamat in your own family.

    During the Prophet's time, even though the Muslims endured great persecution, including physical beatings, they would sometimes meet on the side of a mountain or valley and tried to pray together. This is a great morale booster.

    16. How is your Imam's Dua?:
    Does the Imam at your local mosque make Dua silently or out loud? Ask him to supplicate with the whole congregation. Suggest Duas for him to make. Ask him to make Dua for other people.

    17. Work for the Unity of Muslims:
    Bringing Muslims together will not only help the Muslims, but it will also encourage you to focus your energies on something constructive versus zeroing in on and consistently fretting about difficulties you are going through.
    Invite Muslims from other ethnic groups to your functions. Visit Masjids other than yours in your city. When you meet a Muslim leader, after thanking him for his efforts, ask him what he is doing for Muslim unity. Ask Imams to make Dua for this. These are just small ways you can help yourself and the Muslim community.

    18. Sleep the way the Prophet slept:
    End your day on a positive note. Make Wudu, then think of your day. Thank Allah for all the good things you accomplished, like Zikr and Salat. Ask yourself what you did today to bring humanity together and what you did to help Muslims become servants of humanity.

    For everything positive, say Alhamdu lillah (Praise be to Allah). For everything negative say Astaghfirullah wa atoobo ilayk (I seek Allah's forgiveness and I turn to You [Allah]). Recite the last two chapters of the Quran, thinking and praying as you turn on your right side with your hand below your right cheek, the way the Prophet used to sleep. Then close your day with the name of Allah on your tongue. Insha Allah, you will have a good, restful night.
    19. Begin the Day on a Positive Note:
    Get up early. Get up thanking God that He has given you another day. Alhamdu lillahil lazi ahyana bada ma amatana, wa ilaihin Nushoor (Praise be to Allah Who gave us life after death and unto Him will be the return). Invest in an audio tape driven alarm clock so you can get up to the melody of the Quran.

    Develop your to do list for the day if you didn't do it the night before. Begin with the name of Allah, with Whose name nothing in the heavens or the earth can hurt you. He is the Highest and the Greatest.

     (Bismillahillazi la yazurru maa ismihi shaiun fil arze wa la fis samae, wahuwal Alee ul Azeem). The Prophet used to say this after every Fajr and Maghrib prayers.

    20. Avoid Media Overexposure: Switch from News to Books:
    Don't spend too much time checking out the news on the radio, television or internet. Spend more time reading good books and journals. When you listen to the persistent barrage of bad news, especially relating to Muslims nowadays, you feel not only depressed, but powerless. Cut down media time to reduce your stress and anxiety. It's important to know what's going on but not to an extent that it ruins your day or your mood.

    21. Pray for Others to Heal Yourself.:
    The Prophet was always concerned about other people, Muslims and non-Muslims, and would regularly pray for them. Praying for others connects you with them and helps you understand their suffering. This in itself has a healing component to it. The Prophet has said that praying for someone who is not present increases love.
    22. Make the Quran your Partner:

    Reading and listening to the Quran will help refresh our hearts and our minds. Recite it out loud or in a low voice. Listen to it in the car. When you are praying Nafl or extra prayers, pick it up and use it to recite portions of the Quran you are not as familiar with. Connecting to the Quran means connecting to God. Let it be a means to heal your heart of stress and worries. Invest in different recordings of the Quran and their translations.

    "O humanity! There has come to you a direction from your Lord and a cure for all [the ills] in men's hearts - and for those who believe, a Guidance and a Mercy" (Quran 10:57).

    23. Be thankful to Allah:

     "If you are grateful, I will give you more" (Quran 14:7).
    Counting our blessings helps us not only be grateful for what we have, but it also reminds us that we are so much better off than millions of others, whether that is in terms of our health, family, financial situation, or other aspects of our life. And being grateful for all we have helps us maintain a positive attitude in the face of worries and challenges we are facing almost daily.

    24. Ideals: One step at a time:

    Ideals are wonderful things to pursue. But do that gradually. Think, prioritize, plan, and move forward. One step at a time.
    25. Efforts not Results Count in the Eyes of Allah:
    Our success depends on our sincere efforts to the best of our abilities. It is the mercy of Allah that He does not demand results, Alhamdu lillah. He is happy if He finds us making our best sincere effort.

     Thank you Allah! by Abdul Malik Mujahid

    by Islam Spirit on Monday, August 23, 2010 at 7:26pm

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  • Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind

                                         Treat Your Neighbour Well

    By M.K.S Bawa

    “Love thy Neighbour as thyself” is a proverbial saying. Love is a feeling of deep affection towards a person or a great interest in some thing. A neighbour is a person living next door to or very near to another. Neighbourhood is one of the factors that moulds the character of a person. A good neighbourhood is developed by mutual understanding and by exchange of love and care among the people living in a locality.

    There are instances in the Traditions of the Prophet (Pbuh), emphasising the importance of good neighbourliness:

    There are two other sayings of the Prophet (Pbuh) more relevant in this context:

    “He is not a Believer (Mu’min) who eats to his heart’s content while his neighbour is without food”.

    “While preparing gravy for food, some water be added if necessary, to dilute the dish so that the neighbour’s need could be satisfied”.

    The following extract from the narration of Abdullah bin Mubarak (RAl) is a feast for our thought:

    There lived a cobbler who was very poor. He was a pious man had a great desire to go for the Haj pilgrimage. He reduced his household expenses and began to save from his daily income in order to fulfil his desire. As days passed: his daily savings became a sizeable amount of 300 dirhams sufficient for his pilgrimage. He started preparing for the journey.

    At this time, his wife was pregnant wished to have some tasty food. She felt the smell of food that was under preparation in her neighbour’s house. She requested her husband to get a little food for her from the neighbour.

    The cobbler went to the neighbour and was shocked to find that the neighbour was cooking the flesh of a dead donkey. The neighbour explained that his family was without food for some days. His children could not bear the pang of hunger. He had no money either to buy or to prepare food for his family. He could find no other way to satisfy their hunger. He had therefore, taken this extreme step. On hearing this, the cobbler was very much moved and took pity on his house: picked the money that he had saved for his pilgrimage and gave it to the neighbour.

    The cobbler told his neighbour to make use of the money to feed all the members of his family and to free themselves from starvation in future. The neighbour was very much pleased: so was the cobbler.

    Now the cobbler could not fulfil his long desire of performing Haj. He had given away his entire savings to the neighbour. Allah, the Almighty knew the real intention of the cobbler to perform Haj: the efforts he had taken to save money for the purpose and the great sacrifice he had done to free his neighbour from hunger.

    The Merciful Allah , was very much pleased with the conduct of this poor cobbler and granted him the reward of ACCEPTED HAJ, though the cobbler could not actually undertake journey to Makkah and perform the Haj.

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  • Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind


    A child is like a piece of paper ...

    If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
    If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
    If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

    If a child learns to feel shame, he learns to feel guilty.
    If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
    If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
    If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

    If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
    If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
    If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
    Is a child lives with acceptance and frienship,
    he learns to find love in the world.

    Children forget words ... but follow footsteps






    Islam and Children


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  • Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind

                            CHOOSING THE DESIRED WIFE

    All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad,and upon his family and companions.

    When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our  local  traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

    When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him  in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it
    restrains the eyes from  casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

    When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is.

    As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.


    Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines  just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.

    True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.  In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine!  Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman!  This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who  himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned  a pious woman. Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not  spend it in the way of Allah, unto  them give tidings of a painful doom.

    On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them):  'Here is what
    you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard' "[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best  thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked

    Rasulallah  (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds".  Look at how valuable  such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.


    Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a  pious woman.

    The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.  The following are some ayahs on the attributes of
    the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities.

    "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26]

    "Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard"[s.4;v.34]

    "It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..."[s.66;v.5].

    And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:

    • -a Muslim woman
    • -a believing woman
    • -a devout woman
    • -a true woman
    • -a woman who is patient and constant
    • -a woman who humbles herself
    • -a woman who gives charity
    • -a woman who fasts and denies herself
    • -a woman who guards her chastity
    • -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.

    Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43].  Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And  Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden' "[s.66;v.11].

    The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities.  Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more  advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more  charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her."

    Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the  perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah
    brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not perfect  either.


    To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that firstone relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and  ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities.  When you see a woman   unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends".

    Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones.

    Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want ather, set a private investigator  to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider  extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart 
    and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more  religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.



    We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge.

    Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His
    infinite knowledge and wisdom.

    Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.

    It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them.  Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused  about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."

    I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence.  We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive.  So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the  call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him.

    Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

    The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a  dream. Note that you must follow the results of  an istikharah, because  not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your  mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly.

    The  Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for  help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet
    she was just recognising that it is Allah who  knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.

    The  Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let  Him carry it out' ".

    Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household.  Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children. Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight  of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.

    When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by  them"[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among  those who say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous"[al-Furqan,74].

    I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him"[s.3;v.159].

    May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.

    "When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way"[al-Baqarah,v.186].



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  • Bismillah irRahman irRahem
    In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind

    Some Responsibilities of the Husband and Rights of the Wife in Islam.

    Dr. G. F. Haddad

    Q: I have frequently read what, according to Islamic teachings, a husband may or may not do in a dispute with his wife if he attributes it to disagreement with or misbehavior of his wife. I almost never read anything about the opposite situation: if the wife has a disagreement with her husband or *he* misbehaves. Things are nearly always told from the man's point of view! What are the wife's rights in the case of bad behavior of her husband?


    Praise belongs to Allah the Lord of all the worlds. Blessings and Peace on the Messenger of Allah, and on his Family and all his Companions.

    Allah ordered the believers to "consort with women in kindness" (4:19) and He said: "And of His signs are this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect" (30:21).

    A Wife's Basic Rights Regarding Her Husband's Behavior

    NOTE: This is distinct from her other rights regarding living expenditures, housing, clothing, and education of children. And from Allah comes all success.

    1. The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to "keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her." This is an order of the Prophet [salla Allahu `alayhi wa alihi wa sallam, abbr. (s)] according to the hadith: "ahaqqu al-shuruti an tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj"

    2. He cannot order her to do anything that is against religion. The Prophet (s) said: "No obedience is due to creatures in disobedience of the Creator" (la ta`atan li makhluqin fi ma`siyat al-khaliq).

    3. He must exercise patience and be prepared to listen to her advice in every situation. The Prophet (s) listened to the advice of his wives in matters ranging from the smallest to the greatest.

    4. If she invites him to wake up and perform the late night prayer, it is praiseworthy for him to do so and vice-versa. The Prophet (s) prayed for such people: "May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face."

    5. He must respect her and pay attention to her needs so that she will respect him and pay attention to his.

    6. He must control his passions and act in a moderate manner especially in the context of sexual intercourse. Remember that Allah has placed between you and her "friendship and mercy" (mawadda wa rahma), not the gratification of your every lust; and that the Prophet (s) advised young men to marry "because it casts down the gaze and walls up the genitals," not in order to stimulate sexual passions.

    The husband should habitually seek refuge in Allah before approaching his wife and say: "O Allah, ward off the satan from us and ward him off from what you have bestowed upon us in the way of children" (allahumma jannibna al-shaytana wa jannibhu ma razaqtana).

    Allah has called each spouse a garment for the other (2:187), and the purpose of garments is decency. The Prophet (s) further said that he who marries for the sake of decency and modesty (`afaf), Allah has enjoined upon Himself to help him.

    7. He must never ever divulge the secrets of the household and those of the married couple.

    8. He must strive with sincerity to acquire her trust, and seek her welfare in all the actions that pertain to her.

    9. He must treat her generously at all times. The Prophet (s) said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one's wife.

    10. If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife's duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.

    11. He must avoid excessive jealousy and remember that Allah is also jealous that he himself not commit. The Prophet (s) said: "Do not be excessively jealous of your wife lest evil be hurled at her on your account" (la tukthir al-gheerata `ala ahlika fa turama bi al-su'i min ajlik) and he said: "Allah is jealous and the believer is jealous; and Allah's jealousy is that the believer should not go to that which Allah has forbidden for him" (inna Allaha yagharu wa al- mu'minu yagharu wa gheerat Allahi in ya'tiya al-mu'minu ma harrama `alayhi).

    12. He must protect her honor and not place her in situations where it is compromised or belittled. The Prophet (s) said that Allah will not ever let him enter Paradise who cares little who shares his wife's privacy. This includes the husband's brother, uncle, and nephew, let alone non-related friends, neighbors, and complete strangers.

    13. He must exercise patience and forgiveness in the case of disagreement or dispute, and not rush to divorce. The declaration of divorce is a grave matter indeed, and the Prophet (s) said: "Of permitted matters the most loathesome before Allah is divorce" (abgh`ad al-halal `ind Allah al-talaq).

    In another hadith he said that divorce is so grave that because of it Allah's throne is made to shake. He said: "The best intercession [i.e. intervention of a third party] is that which brings back together the husband and the wife." Womanizing -- divorce for the purpose of marrying another woman out of sexual attraction incurs Allah's curse according to the hadith: "Allah's curse is on the womanizing, divorcing man" (la`ana Allahu kulla dhawwaaqin mutallaaq). Finally, even in the midst of and after divorce, Allah has prescribed kindness upon the man: "(After pronouncing divorce) she must be retained in honor or released in kindness" (2:228).

    For the above-mentioned reason (i.e. to prevent the quickness of divorce), in his time, Ibn Taymiyya gave the ijtihad (juridical opinion) by saying that three talaqs in one sitting constituted only one. He did this to interdict the prevalent custom of suddenly giving three talaqs, which in his time was on everyone's lips, (i.e. had become so commonplace as to be a habit). However the other four schools of fiqh had the opposite opinion in this matter.

    14. He must not dwell on what he dislikes in his wife, but on what he likes.

    15. The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent.

    Allah said: "Turn not away (from your wife) altogether, so as to leave her hanging. If you come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Merciful" (4:129). Protracted separation (6 months or more in the Shafi`i school) without prior or subsequent arrangement with the wife, whether the husband is away willingly or unwillingly (for example due to war, imprisonment, or illness) is sufficient grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.

    16. The Prophet (s) said: "Do not beat your wife." He also said: "Do not strike your wife in the face." The expiation for striking one's slave in the face is to set him or her free on the spot, but what expiation is there for striking one's wife? The Prophet (s) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge.

    17. Caring for one's wife's sexual fulfillment is an obligation of religion. The Prophet (s) warned against rushing to gratify one's pleasure and forgetting that of one's wife. He also disliked that the husband should quickly withdraw from his wife afterwards, as it is a strain upon the wife. If she asks for intercourse, he should not refuse.


    These are only some of the basic duties of the husband in Islam. The state of marriage is part of one's adherence to the Sunna and an exalted state of life indeed. In the words of the Prophet (s), it permits one to meet Allah "pure and cleansed" (tahiran mutahharan).

    One's behavior towards one's wife is the measure of the perfection of one's belief as the Prophet (s) said: "The most complete of the believers in his belief is he who perfects his manners, and the best of you in manners are those who act best towards their wives." Marriage must be approached with utmost seriousness, entered with the purest intent, and cultivated religiously as it does not come cheaply and it carries immense reward.

    The Prophet (s) called it "his way" (al-nikahu sunnati) and "half of religion" and he also said: "Two rak`at (prayer-cycles) of the married person are better than seventy rak`at of the unmarried." He also warned that among the greatest of responsibilities that had been placed upon men is that pertaining to the treatment of their wives.

    And may Allah's blessings and peace be upon Muhammad,
    his Family and all his Companions,
    and praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.


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