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Bismillaahirrohmaanirrohiim ....

Family Diet In Islam: The Importance of Food and

Correct Nutritional Habits

By: Amina Mohammed

Food is an essential prerequisite for life and as such the primary goal of eating and drinking is to enable the body to function normally. With food, or the lack of it, the destinies of individuals are greatly influenced. We should "eat to live", and "not live to eat". The Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s.) recommended even for pious man the quantity of food "which is just sufficient to keep his back-bone erect".

Nutrition is a matter of life-long eating habits which become set with age. Dietary patterns also vary from one person to another according to the difference of cultural and geographic environment to another. To ensure a proper supply of the essential nutrients, we must combine food sources of these nutritients in the right amounts. This results in a healthy well-balanced diet.


A Balanced Diet A BALANCED DIET

A balanced diet consists of food from the five basic food groups in the correct proportions. That is:

 * Bread and cereal group - (bread, breakfast cereals, pasta, rice - important nutrients 

   CHO, vitamin B, dietary fibre)

* Fats and oils group - (margarine, oils, mayonnaise, salad dressing) - important nutrients

  - essential fatty acids, vitamin A.D.E.)

* Meat and meat alternatives - (meat, chicken, fish, eggs, legumes, including
* Soya - important nutrient -protein, iron, vitamin B)
* Milk and milk products - (milk, cheese, yoghurts - important nutrients -
* calcium, phosphorus, vitamins)
* Fruit and vegetables - (all types - important nutrients include vitamin &
* minerals especially vitamin A & C. and fibre)

Having food from the five basic food groups during the day ensures that the diet consists of varieties of nutrients.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. A great number of adults and children eat an inadequate breakfast or skip it altogether. A good breakfast should emphasize complex carbohydrate and should provide between 25-30 % of the energy requirements recommended daily, and vitamins, minerals and fibre. For example; wholewheat bread, low-fat spread, cheese/tomato, yoghurt or milk with muesli, all-bran flakes, weetbix or cooked oats and fruit. Here the emphasis is on dietary fibre.

The old view point was that food fibre is only necessary for regular movement of the bowels. Nowadays researchers are investigating the connection between food fibre and several typical western diseases such as coronary heart disease, diabetes, cancer of the colon, overweight, hypertension, diverticulosis etc. Surveys show that these conditions are less common among groups of people following a high-fibre diet.

According to the following Hadith Sahl bin Sa`d (r.a.) said: "I did not see the Prophet (S.A.W.S.) take sifted flour ever since Allah sent him till Allah took his breath".

And then he went on to explain this: "We used to grind it and blow it off. So what was blown off, went away, and what was remained, we cooked and then we ate."


Islamic Perspective On The Diet ISLAMIC PERSPECTIVE ON THE DIET

Islam enjoins us to have a balance diet in order to have a variety of nutrients. When we look at verses from the Holy Qura'n, the recommended foods indicate nutrient density. It states:

"O you people! Eat of what is on earth lawful and good!" (2:168)

"So eat of (meats), on which Allah's name hath been pronounced if ye have faith in his signs." (6:118)

"The game of the sea and its food are permitted to you." (5 :99)

"Pure milk, easy and agreeable to swallow for those who drink." (16:66)

"He it is who produceth gardens with trellises and without, and dates, and tilth with produce of all kinds and olives and pomegranetes, similar and different, eat of their fruit in season." (16:141)

These recommended foods mentioned in the Holy Qur'an, will certainly fulfill daily protein, carbohydrates, fat and vitamins requirements.

Nutrition During The Life Cycle NUTRITION DURING THE LIFE CYCLE

The diet of a pregnant woman has an effect on the development of the foetus and the course of pregnancy and confinement.

Eating a sensible well-balanced diet of protein (meat, fish, cheese) milk, fresh fruits and vegetables, increased amounts of carbohydrates, especially fibre, reducing fat, will help to provide the pregnant woman with energy needs, over-come nausea, constipation, anemia, control weight gain, provide the necessary calcium intake for calcification of bones and teeth of baby and also provide additional protein and vitamin B complex.

The nutrition status of the pregnant woman will largely determine the nutritional requirements during lactation when her nutritional requirements are even higher especially the calcium intake which should be increased.

When we look at infant nutrition where breastfeeding is recommended at least for the first two years, we find reference made to this in the Holy Qur'an (31:14).

Human milk is the most balanced food for an infant. Human milk forms fine flocculent curds in the stomach of the infant, thus enhancing digestion and leading to more rapid emptying of the stomach, reduces the likelihood of allergies and other illness. And of course from the psychological point, breast-feeding provides bonding between mother and child.

Food continues to be a major factor in the development of the whole person throughout the growing years.Pre-school children require the same basic nutrients as teenagers and adults, but in smaller quantities. A selection of a variety of foods from the milk and meat group, fruit and vegetables and bread and cereals groups provides a sound basis for the child's diet.

The teenage years involves social, physical and physio-logical development. All these facets of the adolescent influences his nutritional status and food habits, and stresses of various kinds during this period also have an effect on nutrition. Here again, milk, meat and its alternatives, wholegrains, cereals, breads, fruit and vegetables are recommended.

Snacking makes up about 25% of the energy requirement of most teenagers. But snacking is acceptable provided the snacks furnish an equivalent amount of the days allowance for protein, vitamin and minerals.

If good nutritional habits are not inculcated at the beginning of young adulthood as part of the lifestyle, poor eating habits become a risk factor for a number of diseases for the middle-aged and elderly.

Most modern affluent homemakers are forced to seek ways of acquiring time due to having jobs outside home and therefore regularly make use of convenience foods, processed foods, and fast foods. These foods are often high in kilojoules, high in fat content, especially high in saturated fats and cholesterol, high in sodium, low in nutritional value and contain liberal amounts of food additives.

The individual who has had poor food habits throughout life is not likely to be in as good health as the one who has enjoyed the benefits of a good diet.

Some Diet-Related Health Problems SOME DIET-RELATED HEALTH PROBLEMS

Many diet-related health problems affect many individuals, like: high blood cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, and coronary heart disease.

Some of the risk factors of coronary heart disease are: High blood cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking, stress, lack of exercise, overweight, and diabetes.

Diet plays a decisive role in the control of blood fats that is, cholesterol and triglycerides and other risk factors, like hypertension and diabetes, and hence in the development of cornonary heart disease.

The prudent dietary guidelines for coronary heart disease, are:

    * food low in fat, especially saturated fats
    * to substitute saturated fat with polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats
    * limit the intake of foods high in cholesterol
    * eat more complex carbohydrates especially rich in fibre
    * control your weight
    * use less salt

High blood cholesterol is a risk factor which can easily be controlled by making changes to our eating habits. The body can manufacture all its cholesterol needs from fat in the foods we eat. The westernized diet is high in fat and cholesterol and our bodies are becoming overloaded. Therefore, cut out many risks as you can.

This can be achieved by improving our lifestyle, and eating habits.

* eat less fat (30% of total energy requirement should be fat)
* reduce saturated fat (animal fat, full-cream dairy products, brick margarine, coconut and

  palm kernel oils)
* reduce dietary cholesterol (egg yolk and organ meats -brains, liver, as well as prawns

   and shrimps)
* stop smoking
* control hypertension (High Blood Pressure)
* control diabetes
* exercise regularly
* reduce weight
* reduce stress and
* eat a wide variety of foods (refer to the 5 food groups)
* eat more carbohydrates especially rich in fibre (fruit, veg, legumes, oats)
* eat regular meals (don't skip meals)
* reduce salt intake (to control Hypertension)
* eat moderately (to avoid ooverweight)

Moderation is the keyword as far as eating habits are concerned. As with all our divine obligations moderation in terms of the quantity of the food we eat is essential. The Holy Qur'an mentions this: "Eat and drink and be not immoderate." (7:31)

Hypertension - the elevation of the blood pressure above normal is a major risk factor and a symptom that accompanies many cardiovascular and renal diseases.

Obesity is often associated with hypertension, so there seems to be a strong correlation between weight and blood pressure and between increases in weight and increases in blood pressure.

Sodium restriction is effective in lowering blood pressure in some persons. Many food contains salt, like convenience food, processed food and preserved food, examples are: Sodium benzoate, a preservative used in relishes, sauces, margarine. Sodium propionate in cheese and breads to retard mould formation. Sodium alginate in ice cream to give the smooth texture. Monosodium Glutamate in processed foods. Natural sodium content of animal food is relatively high (meat, fish, eggs, cheese) although nutritionally essential must be used in moderate amounts.

Organ meats contain more sodium than muscle meats. Shellfish of all kinds are especially high in sodium than fresh water fish.

All in all we can put it as that:

    * weight control - highest priority in dietary management of diabetes
    * eat regular meals - a delay in eating may produce hypoglycaemia
    * eat moderately
    * reduce simple sugars
    * increase foods rich in carbohydrates
    * eat more dietary fibre
    * eat less fat or cut them from your diet


3 Essential Components in Good Food CONCLUSION

Good food must contain three essential components:

    * nutritional benefits and efficientcy in producing the needed energy.
    * lightness for the stomach
    * ease of digestion

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur'an:

    "O you who believe, do not forbid the good things which Allah has made lawful for you and do not exceed limits. Surely Allah does not love those who exceeds the limits." (5:90)

And then defining moderation, the Prophetic guidance on the best of common diets is: "one third food, one third water and one third air." Because, when the stomach is saturated with food, it will not be able to take in water, and when food and water exceed their recommended level, one may suffer from pulmonary difficulties, resulting in stress and exhaustion from lungs being unable to easily deliver oxygenated blood to the left atrium of the heart.

One will also feel heaviness in his body, his heart and spirit will experience languor and drowiness and his limbs will fail to obey him in performing his basic religious duties. Hence a filled stomach is damaging to one's body, heart and spirit. Moderation is the path of good health and the body benefits from moderate and nutritious meals.

http://www.islamic-world.net/sister/h23.htm

Bismillah irRahman irRahem
In the Name of Allaah, The Most Gracious, The Most Kind

                      Is Family Planning allowed in Islam ?

by Jamaal Zarabozo

The question of family planning and birth control was discussed in detail by the Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami. They had twenty three scholars research this topic and present their findings on this matter. The participants involved represented many different trends and schools of thought.

Among the participants were Muhammad Ali al-Baar, Ali al-Saaloos, Muhammad Saeed Ramadhan al-Booti, Abdullah al-Basaam, Hasan Hathoot and Muhammad Sayid Tantaawi. Their proceedings, papers and discussions may be found in Part One of the Fifth Volume of Majallah Majma al-Fiqh al-Islaami (1988/1409 A.H.). These proceedings are 748 pages all about the question of birth control and related issues.

The following are important points related to the issue of birth control in Islam. These were mentioned by some of the participants in the above program:

The institution of marriage and the want to have children was the custom of the best of creation, the prophets and messengers chosen by Allah. Allah says about them:

"And indeed We sent messengers before you and made for them wives and offspring" (al-Raad 38)

The best example for the believers is the example of the prophet Muhammad (saw), who married and had children. These prophets and messengers are the people whom Muslims should look to emulate. Allah says:

"They are those whom Allah has guided. So follow their guidance" (al-Anaam 90)

They should be emulated and not the disbelievers of the West, whose new lifestyles - mostly out of concern for enjoying this life or obtaining as many worldly goods as possible - discourage women from having more children.

Islam has forbidden celibacy, monasticism and castration for such purposes. The prophet (saw) made this clear when he told those companions who were considering acetic forms of life: "I pray and I sleep; I fast and I break my fast; and I marry women. Whoever turns
away from my way of life is not from me."

The prophet (saw) not only encouraged marriage but he encouraged marrying those women who are child-bearing. He stated: "marry the loving, child-bearing women for I shall have the largest numbers among the prophets on the day of Resurrection." (Recorded by Ahmad and ibn Hibban.)

From the Islamic perspective, children are a gift and a blessing from Allah. Allah mentions some of the bounties that He has bestowed upon mankind in the following verse:

"And Allah has made for you spouses of your own kind and has made for you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has bestowed upon you good provisions." (al-Nahl 72)

Allah also said:

"Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world." (al-Kahf 46)

The only true provider for all mankind is Allah. If Muslims follow what Allah has prescribed for them, Allah will provide for them. Allah has warned about killing one's children out of fear of poverty for either parents or the child. Allah says:

"Kill not your children because of poverty - We provide sustenance for you and for them" (al-Anaam 151)  Allah also says:

"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" (al-Isra 31)

Hence, Muslims should never abort or kill their children out of fear of poverty. It is Allah who provides for them.

Based on the above points and numerous others, the scholars who participated in the research on this question came up with the following resolution:

It is not allowed to enact a general law that limits the freedom      of spouses in having children.
   
It is forbidden to "permanently"      end a man's or a woman's ability to produce children, such as by     having a hysterectomy or vasectomy, as long as that is not called      for by circumstances of necessity according to its Islamic      framework.

It is permissible to control the timing of births with      the intent of distancing the occurrences of pregnancy or to delay      it for a specific amount of time, if there is some Shariah need      for that in the opinion of the spouses, based on mutual      consultation and agreement between them. However, this is      conditioned by that not leading to any harm, by it being done by      means that are approved in the Shariah and that it not do      anything to oppose a current and existing pregnancy.

http://www.jannah.org/sisters/famplan.html

Assalamu’alaikum Warohmatullohi Wabarakatuhu...

Bismillaahirrohmaanirrohiim ....

                            FAMILY LIFE IN ISLAM
Dr. Mir Mustafa Hussain
Hyderabad - Bharat

Home plays a very important role in the civilised life of man. It is a small world in itself. An individual is born, brought up, and trained in family atmosphere and this naturally leaves an everlasting impression on him. His character and habits are developed at home, and in the family, and these factors are responsible for his future career.

This is the reason why the Quran has laid so much emphasis on family life, and has touched (for guidance) even the minute aspects of it in most elaborate form. A good family order serves as a model for the society, and its people determines future of a nation.

Within a family, role of its head is very important as the entire responsibility of family management rests on him, particularly at the stage when children are in their tender age. He has to protect himself as well as his family members from all kinds of troubles and difficulties. He has to arrange for their basic needs health, care, and educational requirements.

The head of the family has to be very carefully while taking decisions in these matters. A wrong decision taken by the head of the family can become the cause of great damage to the entire family. He shall, therefore, prevent himself and his family from the disastrous consequences of choosing a wrong path (66:6). He has to see that his family is engaged in productive activity as well as constructive work. This is possible through correct and farsighted planning and its effective implementation.

HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP

Husband and wife, particularly as father and mother, are the two significant pillars upon whom the entire edifice of the family rests. It is, therefore essential that their relationship should be cordial as well as harmonious to achieve happiness and prosperity of the family so that the home may serve as model for others in the society. Such relationship creates an impact on younger members particularly the children. From the beginning itself the relationship between these two life partners should be cordial if not ideal.

The main object of married life is that the husband and wife live together honourably and harmoniously in love and affection, and thereby make home a place of peace and an abode of rest and pleasure -- a heaven on earth. It will serve as a model for others to follow (25:74). This kind of relationship will provide opportunity to both the spouses to make use of their potential and allow their capabilities to grow and develop (30:21). Both should respect and be complementary to each other. The relationship between the two should be most intimate. The Quran has so beautifully described the type of their homogeneity when it says that husband and wife are garments for each other (2:187).

It has been often reminded that treatment given to wife by her husband should not be harsh in order to appropriate a part of her dower unless she is found guilty of open indecency, the matter will of course be decided by the appropriate authority. When something from the side of the wife is disliked, one should not get annoyed over immediately or diced at once to get separated from her. It is quite possible that such thing may bring about abundant good for the husband (4:19).

NIKAH (Marriage)

Man and woman agree together to lead married life and this agreement is called nikah (marriage), and the two parties accept the responsibilities and obligations and thus live together as husband and wife. For nikah it is necessary that both man and woman have attained the age of puberty-the age of full bloom and strength (4:6, 40:67).

Nikah is not possible without mutual consent of both the parties in the presence of at least two witnesses, one from the side of the man and the other from the side of woman. (Man and woman have free choice to marry each other (4:3, 19) Men have been forbidden to marry women against their will, they cannot marry without obtaining consent of women and thus become their masters instead of companion. (4:19) The criterion for selection of spouse should be the unanimity of ideology and faith in Islam, and this is the reason why a momin (Believer-man) is forbidden to marry a mushrika (Unbeliever-woman) vice versa, and thus to save home from becoming hell whereas Allah wants it to become heaven (2:221).

Nikah should be performed in a declared manner, and the relationship between the spouses should not be kept a secret. If it is performed secretly it is not legal. (4:25; 5:5) The Quran has not suggested any ceremony for nikah, nor it has mentioned about involvement of a (third) person to perform it. Since nikah is an agreement between two parties, government can formulate rules and regulations (marriage Act), and it has to be performed accordingly.

For those who are capable of getting married the society has to provide facilities for nikah. (24:32) Those who could not get facilities to get married should keep themselves chaste by self-control till they get alliance. [(24:33)-VI, p.803] Prostitution is prohibited.

Married couple is forbidden from sexual Intercourse when:

(I) The women is not in normal physical condition i.e. during menses, and after this period they can have it as per the natural laws (2:222);

(ii) When either of them or both are observing fast (of course from dawn to dusk) (2:187); and

 (iii) Even from dusk to dawn when one is in retreat in the mosque (for some assignment). (2:187)

 
Forbidden Women for Nikah

Certain women (relationships) are forbidden for nikah. They are:

(1) Yours mothers

(2) Your daughters

(3) Your sisters

(4) Your father’s sisters

(5) Your mother’s sisters

(6) Your brother’s daughters

(7) Your sister’s daughters

(8) Your foster mothers

(9) Your foster sisters

(10) Mothers of your wives

(11) Your stepdaughters, which have been brought up under your guardianship and are born of wives with whom you have had marital relations. If you have not had marital relations then the prohibition does not apply.

(12) Wives of your real sons.

(13) It is also prohibited to have in marriage two sisters at the same time.

Also forbidden to you in marriage are those women who are already married except those whom you already possess. (4:23,24)

A Muslim man should not marry a mushrika (Unbeliever woman) until she accepts Islam; likewise Muslim woman should not marry mushrik man until he accepts Islam. (2:221) A Muslim woman cannot marry a man from amongst the people who believe in the earlier scriptures (5:5)

Monogamy and Polygamy

It is a misunderstanding that Islam has permitted polygamy (to marry and keep four wives at a time). The fundamental principle is to have one wife at a time. The Quranic instructions that if one decides to marry another woman in place of his existing wife he has to divorce (as per the given procedure) and this itself clarifies that no one is allowed to have more than one wife at one time. (4:20) This should not lead to think that whenever a person wants to marry another woman in place of his existing wife, he might divorce her and go for another marriage (for sex enjoyment or for other reasons). Second marriage is not permitted until and unless differences between husband and wife have reached the climax, ending up by declaring talaq (divorce) and the wife is divorced

To have more than one wife, up to a maximum of four at a time has been permitted under extra-ordinary circumstances and for valid reasons. For example, as a result of war when a considerable number of women became widows including those of very young age, and large number of children become orphans, and when their economic, social, ethical, and sexual problems cannot be solved by any other satisfactory means, the Islamic State can allow an exception to the general rule of monogamy.

Such an exemption has to fulfil two conditions viz.

(I) such a person will have to do justice and give equal treatment to all his wives, and

(ii) he should be economically sound enough to bear the burden of such a large family. Of course consent of the first wife in this matter is necessary. If anyone of these conditions is not fulfilled, permission to go for next marriage is not granted and one should stick to the rule of one wife (4:3); this is the only verse found in the Quran on this subject.

Rather at another place the Quran says that despite his strong desire it would not be possible for a husband to be fair and just towards women (wives). One should not be inclined wholly to one wife leaving the other in a state of suspension, like one who remains neither divorced nor undivorced (4:129).

Mahr (Dower)

Mahr (dower) is that amount which is paid by the husband to his wife at the time of nikah (marriage) or agrees to pay afterwards. Mahr is the term in usage to express the payment, the Quran has not used this word, and instead it has used the word nehlah to clarify that this amount is not in lieu of anything else except a specific gift to wife and not remuneration (4:4). Its payment is compulsory.

In this regard an example of honeybee has been quoted in the holy Quran so far as payment of mahr is concerned, when the honeybee expels honey it does not expect any return for it.

If the amount of mahr has not been fixed at the time of nikah the payment will be acceptable by mutual consent. Since the payment has to be made necessarily, it has to be fixed as per the husband’s capacity to pay it. Therefore, the amount could be anything, even a heap of gold (4:20).

The mahr is generally paid at the time of nikah (marriage) itself. In case nikah has been performed but mahr has not been fixed, it can be fixed after the nikah (2:236). Mahr is the property of the woman (wife). She cannot be deprived of her right. If the woman (wife) so desire, she can forego the whole amount or a part of it (4:4, 4:24).

In case divorce has taken place after nikah, and the husband has not touched the woman (wife) and (I) if mahr has not been fixed, then the husband has to pay as much as he can so that the damage thus caused to the woman’s name could be made good to some extent. This kind of treatment is necessary because it exhibits its worth (2:236; 33:49); (ii) if the mahr was fixed but the man has not touched the woman (he has married) and divorce has taken place, then half of the value of mahr will be given to the woman unless she, by herself forgoes it or if the husband pays the entire mahr it is his righteous act (2:237).

Under a situation when the woman is found guilty of open lewdness (immorality) a portion of the mahr could be given to the husband (4:19).

In case the woman demands for divorce and if court feels it necessary, she has to forego a part of the mahr and get free from the marriage - the nikah (2:229)

Giving material goods as jahez (dowry) is merely a custom about which there is no mention in the Quran. Demand for such material goods or cash by the man is gross excess; the Quran has rather instructed men to give to the woman but not to take from her.

Tense Relationship

The object of nikah is to lead a purposeful, peaceful, and harmonious life. For this purpose selection of an alliance has to be done carefully and thoughtfully. Inspite of taking all-possible care in this matter, certain circumstances arise and result in tense relationship between husband and wife. This situation prevails temporarily and gets normalised by lapse of time. In other situation, a person in anger calls his wife as his ‘mother’ or talks some rubbish with her; this is called zihar.

This is a kind of thoughtlessness in oaths, and when the anger subsides, he feels ashamed of it. Such calling does not make his wife the mother, and it is similar to that of calling a person as ‘son’, and this does not make him a natural son (33:4). Such an attitude towards wife is strongly condemned and punishment has been imposed for it that such a person, before touching his wife should free a slave (since slavery prevailed in the then Arab society). If he is not in position to do so, he should fast for two months consecutively, and if he is unable to observe fast the should feed sixty indigent (poor) persons before they touch each other (58:3-4).

In another case when a man has taken an oath for abstention from his wife that he well not conjugate with her, he is given four months (as waiting) for reconsideration to resume as this situation cannot remain permanently. During this period if they resume conjugation, they are permitted to do so. If their intention is firm to dissolve the marriage they can do so as per the provisions of the Divine Laws (2:226 -27 ‘ 4:35), The object is not to leave the woman at the mercy of man under any circumstances. And her rights are fully protected.

In connection with relationship between husband and wife (4:34), it is generally interpreted that the rank of man (husband) is higher than that of woman (wife), and men are rulers over women, An example of such an interpretation is: "As far those women who seem to have gone refractory, (first) admonish them (and then, if necessary) remove them to separate beds, and (if that fails) give them a shaking." (4:34) In case if a situation arises when woman (wife) turns rebellious, this will not remain an individual problem but it will become a collective one; the matter of protection and upbringing of the children will get associated with this case.

At this stage, the society or the State has to take steps giving them a chance to understand each other and rethink over the matter. If this approach fails, then their husbands will be asked to detach their sexual relations for sometime, so that this treatment may create a psychological effect on their mind.

If all these approaches fail, the court of law may give some physical punishment to the party at fault. In case the husbands are given a free hand to punish their wives by beating them, it will create chaos in the society, and instead of solving a problem, we may create several other problems for the women, their suckling babies children, homes, hospitals, etc.

Talaq (Divorce)

It has been stated earlier that nikah is an agreement, with full consent between a man and a woman (fully matured and sane) for leading married life. This aims at a happy family life. When possibility of maintaining married life does not remain, both the parties are permitted to cancel their nikah - marital tie; and a relief from this bond is called talaq (divorce).

In the matter of nikah only two individuals-man and woman are involved, and therefore, it is confined to these two individuals only. The matter of talaq is not so confined to two individuals alone; sometimes besides them, their children’s interest will be affected, and thus it becomes a common matter of the society.

It is worthy of consideration that at the time of formulation nikah deed consent of both the parties viz. man and woman was necessary; when the same agreement is being terminated, how could only one party namely the husband is given all the rights to terminate the same unilaterally, saying in one breath talaq-talaq-talaq, and driving away the lady from home. At the same time, she is helpless to face innumerable troubles to settle the matters of divorce.

Rights and responsibilities of husband and wife are equal, and the position of both the parties shall be similar in the matter of talaq too. Guidance of the Quran in this respect is that "If you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint an arbiter from the man’s family and an arbiter from the woman’s family.

If the two (husband and wife) desire to reach a settlement, God is knowing, the Apprised of all." (14:35) Some of the Islamic scholars say that this is "An excellent plan for settling family disputes, without too much publicity or mud-throwing or resort to the chicaneries of the law. The Latin countries recognise this plan in their legal systems."

In the matter to talaq, irrespective of complaint put forth either by the husband or the wife, it will be the responsibility of the society to appoint a board of arbitration. If the wife feels excesses or negligence from the husband’s side, the better course will be that both husband and wife should sort out their differences or appoint a board of arbitration. (4:128) The woman (wife) can also take her case to the court that she too has got full right for divorce (as per the law). But the efforts of the board will be to settle the matter between the husband and the wife amicably.

The Quran has used the term talaq for husband and wife both; it has not used the term khula, which has been coined later. It is said that ‘husband has handed over the right of talaq to the wife, but this is not correct. When the wife too has got the same right of talaq as that owned by the husband, then handing over the right of talaq to the wife by her husband makes no sense.

If a settlement between husband and wife in the matter of talaq could not be reached, then the institution or the court, which has appointed the arbiters, will pronounce the dissolution of the nikah (marriage). This is called talaq. In the matter of talaq, the Quran has addressed the Prophet (S), who was a judge or court (65:1).

This indicated that the matter of talaq is not restricted to the two parties i.e. husband and wife only, it has wider horizons. The Prophet (S), who was assigned by the Almighty the role of court, was asked to inform the concerned persons that the matter of iddat (‘waiting period’ during which a divorced woman or a widow cannot marry) carries great significance, and this should always be kept in mind (65:1). As the iddat is based on menstruation, to account for iddat the talaq judgement should not come into effect until the concerned woman has completed three menstrual cycles.

Those who do not menstruate due to physical disorder or old age, should wait for three months (65:4); only those women whose marriage is not consummated, have no ‘waiting period’ (33:49). If a woman is pregnant she must declare it, and the ‘waiting period’ for her is until the delivery (65:4). Iddat (‘waiting period’) for a widow is four months and ten days (2:234).

In case the court sees that the husband does not want to continue with his wife, the talaq judgement is given and the (divorced) woman will not give anything to the man. In this respect instructions given are very clear (4:20-21) and that the circumstances have led to the stage of separation. In this case, if a person has given even a whole treasure as mahr to his wife, he should not take back even a fraction of it (when talaq process has been initiated from his side). A portion form the mahr can be taken back when the woman takes initiative for talaq (2:229), or when she is found guilty of open indecency (4:19).

This will also help to check a situation under which a woman performs nikah with a view to get mahr and afterwards she takes steps for talaq, then she has to surrender a portion of the mahr. At the same time man has been warned not to accuse or slander a chaste woman of open indecency with an object of compelling her to forego a part of her mahr for the husband. This is such an open sin, which does not require any evidence. The instructions are that whatever one has given her how he can take it back when he has enjoyed marital relations with her. Also at the time of nikah there was a solemn covenant from the husband for complete protection of her rights, and on the basis of this one should respect the agreement (4:20-21).

On pronouncement of talaq by the court, iddat commences for the woman; during this period she cannot marry (as stated earlier). She will remain there only where she was living with her husband before the talaq, and the cost of her maintenance will be borne by her (previous) husband with a provision to have the same standard of living she was enjoying before the talaq (65:6-7). If the woman is pregnant at the time of talaq, her expenditure will be borne by her previous husband till the delivery. After the delivery if she suckles baby, and if the man cannot make any other arrangement for this, she should be paid for the suckling, details for payment have to be settled mutually and under the provisions of the prevailing law.

If this arrangement causes hardship to the man, separate arrangement is made for suckling through some other woman. While fixing the amount of expenditure of the divorced woman during the ‘waiting period’ or for suckling, it has to be done as per the paying capacity of the husband. If a person is financially depressed he should pay whatever he can (65:6-7). Further instructions of the Quran in this respect are: "Reverting to family laws, men should leave a will behind stating that their widows should be given maintenance for a year without requiring them to leave their homes. However, if during this period, the women of their own accord leave their home and make a decision regarding their further life, you are not to be blamed for it. And remember that these laws are given by Allah who is Almighty Wise". (2:240).

When the iddat is nearing its end, the husband may either take the (divorced) wife back on equitable terms or part with her on equitable terms (65:2). If the husband initiated termination of Nikah and he desired to resume the martial relationship, with the consent of the woman he may do so even during the iddat.

Two things are very clear in this respect (I) if the wife had initiated dissolution of marriage, it means that she does not want to cohabit with the husband. Therefore the husband cannot take her forcibly; it is altogether a different matter that she makes her mind to join her husband again; (ii) if the husband had initiated talaq, though the wife wanted to continue with him and the man corrects himself, then the martial relationship could be resumed. Under such a situation, the Quran warns that resumption of marital relationship should not be with a malign intention to do harm to her or to transgress the limits of Divine law and whosoever harms her harms him. (2:231) When both the spouses desire to reunite, they should not be prevented (2:232).

When reunion between the spouses has taken place, a question arises that for stabilisation of the martial relation whether renewal of nikah will be necessary or the same old agreement of marriage will be enough. This matter has been left to the society that if it wants it can recognise the previous nikah agreement, and if the society decides otherwise fresh nikah agreement has to be made. The State has to consider necessary that renewal of the union during iddat should be done in such a way that this is considered as nikah.

If the spouses have decided again to live as husband and wife, the above procedure will be adopted. If they have decide for separation, then two witnesses will be required who should not allow any concession to either of them. These witnesses should stand considering their service as duty to Allah (65:2). And that consideration (for reunion) which was an available to the man and the woman during iddat will not remain.

For these individuals (husband and wife), Whether they reunite or get separated, this step will amount to pronouncing one talaq.

If this couple has resolved to continue as husband and wife (whether during the iddat or thereafter), and again they have resorted for separation, the same procedure as given above has to be adopted. This will be treated the second talaq.

After the third talaq, neither during the iddat nor afterwards, they can cohabit as husband and wife (2:229). In case the woman gets married elsewhere and leads regular married life, and there also such a situation develop leading to talaq, or she becomes a widow, then the woman can re-marry her previous husband (2:229-30) In the light of the above explanation, it becomes quite clear that pronouncement of talaq thrice (at three different times) means final termination of the nikah i.e. married life.

With regard to suckling the infant (baby), it is not necessary for mother to suckle for a specific period of time. The parents depending on the conditions of the baby could take the decision in this matter. In this regard the Quran observes that the mother carries the baby in her womb and suckles it after delivery for a period of two years (2:233; 46:15), then expenses for the maintenance of the mother will have to be borne by the father, and these charges will not be beyond the father’s capacity. If both of them agree that the mother is relieved from suckling of the baby, they may do so.

If the father desires to arrange another woman for suckling the baby, there is no harm in it, but whatever had been promised to the mother, that should be fulfilled accordingly. If the father dies during this period, the maintenance cost of the baby should be borne by his heirs.

On separation of husband and wife, children should stay with whom is the matter to be decided by the competent court or the State. It is to be kept in view that neither the father nor the mother or the heirs should suffer unnecessarily in this regard. The State could formulate rules for this purpose.

http://www.islamawareness.net/Talaq/family.html

Assalamu’alaikum Warohmatullohi Wabarakatuhu...

Bismillaahirrohmaanirrohiim ....

60 Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love

1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say 'Assalamualaikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that's fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it's a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you're sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don't be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed – sallallahu alaihi wa sallam (SAW means "May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him" (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.

12. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed sallallahu alaihi wa sallam called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakat in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said gifts increases love.

21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It's like putting a hole in your memory. Don't save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your success.

27. Don't put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can't force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It's not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).

33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It's also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam taught us this. It's a blessing. The food doesn't just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shaitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT'S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don't ignore them as it can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It's strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it's against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam showed that at the time of intimacy. Don't jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don't tell everyone. It's like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don't think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

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Assalamu’alaikum Warohmatullohi Wabarakatuhu...

Bismillaahirrohmaanirrohiim ....

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife!

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Smell good!

4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?"

6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta'ala gives you something really to complain about.

7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either: 1. Mediate any injustice done so any wrong can be corrected and the couple can reunite in harmony, or 2. Amicable divorce

8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights

10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.

11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.

12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.

13. Tell him he's the best husband ever.

14. Call his family often.

15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.

16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you're interested.

17. Encourage him to do good deeds

18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah.

19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal.

20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.

21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.

22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.

23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home.

24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really.

25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.

26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it.

27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.

28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at.

29. Learn to make his favorite dish.

30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband.

31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.

32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah putbarakah in everything you do.

33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant.

"They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]

 34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times.

Aisha (رضالله عنها) narrated that the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you."

35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.

36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.

37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.

38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.

39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.

40. Don't discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.

41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work.

43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.

44. Brush your hair, everyday.

45. Don't forget to do laundry.

46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.

47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)

48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies.

49. Try not to go shopping too much ... and spend all his money.

50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.

51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)

52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).

53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.

54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse.

55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du'ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.

56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you ..." (thats a killer!)

57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa!

58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.

59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel

60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

May Allah preserve all of our marriages and help us understand and implement them in and with the best of manners, ameen! InshaAllah if you know more ways, post them in the comments and share the benefit.

Sisters please keep these instructions in ur mind and live and enjoy a happy marital life..!!!